Monday, July 23, 2012

Letter Seventeen

From what I have heard lately you have already accumulated quite the reputation; excellent! You are advancing quickly, and we must work hard towards making you a great, so for now I will give you several pointers on a few of the more important accomplishments you must undertake to become like me.
Firstly, I have lately researched the notable dragons in your area of Aolia. There are few who can get up to your current standard. But Pentiriex the Bold could create a problem; he is a large, northern dragon, who has killed many dragons, though mostly Yovi veterans. You would be best prone to drop a boulder on him, and while he’s stunned, swoop down with all talons forward and (here follows a increasingly vulgar sentence that the author thought would scar the minds of humans under the age of 20, puny nitwits). That done, you will have very little competition; no other notable powerful dragons live there, leaving you relatively free rain.
On to your rampage, from sources unnamed I have found out detailed facts of your exploits. I was deeply impressed by that fire that burned three towns in one forest fire, and it killed how many? 200? 250? Extraordinary!
But letting that little girl live? Bad form. That might pose a problem. Lets see, the best solution would be to bomb her house with sheep to clear your record, but on the other claw, you might want to stick with fire, and burn her entire town, yes, that will work. 
I hope Semithino is no longer sending you vegetable and fruit lists to sample, that would ruin you, healthy food is the worst for growing evils. You must begin that diet I requested, fresh meat! And remember to chew on the bones for gum strength.
That will be enough I think for the present, but I must weigh the fact that you must take all my advice, and ignore your idiotic uncles' requests.
Your, oh skip it, humble uncle

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