Columnist: Glen Greenscale
Editor: Krala the Terror
Yesterday on the Isle of Bootjaw, one of the greatest and strangest ceremonies of Drake culture was begun: The Annual Drake Games, put on by the King of Bootjaw, Bikro of the Two Syllables. This weeklong ceremony of games has drakes from all over the draconian world hearkening back to their homeland to celebrate this hallowed holiday.
The weeklong festival includes all sorts of professional competitions, from Sluj-drinking contests to burrowball to cheese wrestling. The events are all held within the Great Iq (Spelled I.Q.) Stadium on the Island of Bootjaw. The Drake National Anthem was sung yesterday to kick off the Games’ largest and most prestigious event: team meatball chess.
To an outsider, this sport is difficult to comprehend. What with the tail-chomping, potty-mouthed, meatball-flinging competitors, and the stark raving audience cheering them on, it’s understandably difficult to discern the exact rules of the competition. Unt, when asked what exactly the rules were, only shrugged, said, “What’s rules?” and kept cheering for her favorite team.
The Drake Games will wrap up next Tuesday with the Burrowball Tournament, in which the first one to find the golden ball buried underneath the playing field wins, there are no restrictions on violence, and all 9,000 audience members are also encouraged to compete. Needless to say, this holiday will not be without plenty of casualties. And a word of advice to tourists: do not, for the life of you, eat the food.
Reporting for The Weekly Draconian,
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