Sunday, August 19, 2012

Weekend Disaster Post

Pixie/Gnome Trench War: Several hundred human lawns have been emptied of all their seemingly inanimate garden gnomes; pixie-hollows and devotee frequented shrines have emptied of the thousands of Faery Folk. Some would explain this as “Vacation” or “urgent family business”. Poppycock I say, from a live video feed that has reached the post we now know that a Pixie/Gnome Trench War has begun in the Valley of the Noxious Winds. More information on Page 2:
The Fabled Page 2:
“From my vantage point on the valley’s cliff I have a perfect view of the proceedings. They are remarkably dishonorable. I see several cases of pinching, hair pulling and judiciously placed elbows to the stomach, navel and other painful body parts.”
“Well, it looks like the Pixies are on a winning role currently, Zig Zagh Quank, the pixie general has Barto Burztbelt in a headlock and playing “Got your conk” over and over again (I love that game), and the pixie tide certainly appears to be overwhelming the burly Gnome defenses, which currently consist of two collapsing towers and a burning fence.”
“But, on the other hand, the Gnomes’ catapult is beginning the wreak havoc in the fragile ranks of bloodthirsty pixies, sending a series of flaming sod squares, boulders and boxer-wrapped teapots (They ran out of oily rags you see).”
“And Burztbelt has rallied his forces, he’s hiking up his snapped belt and sending ranks of Gnomes…Up HERE? What the?! Run for your life Sam, they’ve got crayons!”
Here ends the live feed, Jon and Sam were found the next day bound and gagged with broken crayons surrounding them and several rude proclamations scrawled on their clothes and bonds.
According to them, the Gnomes managed to escape and the pixies burned the defenses completely and took control of the Valley of the Noxious Winds. No loss there.
Sleep well,
The Post

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