Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Letter Thirty-Two

This will surprise you greatly, but I was encumbered enkumbrrd the night before last by a group of dragons from that stupid stopeed madhouse. If it had not been for the earliness of the hour, they would not have been able to squash me under three mattresses matrezzs, knock me silly, then shackle me to a board and drag me... No, they wouldn’t woodent have been able to.
I also recognized your conniving uncle mixed in with the crowd of slobbering malcontents who bush-wacked booshwakd me. I recognized him souly because he was the one who sat atop thhe mattresses while I was claped in irons, the vile toad! If I Iye ever get my hands on him, I’ll flay him fro his very skin!
Well, after I was unjustly taken dragged from my cave, they hauled and bumbed and banged me ALL 8 miles to the stupid sanitarium sannitoriumm.
Then they flung my battered body into eentw a tiny cell with rusty bars protecting the window.
Three days I was left there! THREE! LONG! SMELLY! HORRIBLE DAYS!! Then at last they came to the door to give me some food and drink. I attempted to escape ezgap but in my extremely weakened state they merely cracked me on the head with a cudgel and left me seething.
And after 2 more days, they had the gall to hammer a plaque onto my door stating—and I quote kwot—Gargazath the Permanently Unstable Until Further notice!
I shall say no more, but I will continue kontinew to correspond with you; however many things Scaligar & Semithino attempt to do to undermine my glorious prestige presstije.
You’re STILL DEFINITELY NOT INSANE, awesome, powerful, Incredible, fearful, ferocious, terrible, fear inducing, omnipotent, clear minded, outspoken, infamous, wel speld, overbearing, great, clairvoyant, humble and modest uncle

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