Friday, August 3, 2012

Letter Twenty-Three

Perhaps you have been wondering why I have abstained from writing to you for the last five days. Allow me to explain, FULLY!
Whilst I was awaiting the arrival of Semithino under the Bridge of Yovi where I had planned to express my rage categorically and painfully to him, I was attacked, assaulted, ambushed in foul play by a dragon disguised as the stream running under the bridge. Due to my state of surprise only, was he able to haul me unceremoniously into the lower rafters of the rickety bridge, and after a ferocious battle of struggling and slashing, he left me hanging from the bridge by a mass of chains, hooks, and cables.
I remained there three entire days and nights, until I managed to burn and melt my way out of the chains, and while I was detaching myself from the tangle of encompassing ropes and chains, the cursed bridge collapsed on me. Fracturing both my wings, and putting a severe crick in my neck that I will be feeling for months.
This setback took me a further three hours to extricate myself from and then I had to endure the utter shame of hobbling back to my cave, on foot. Thereafter I retired to my treasure cave, and in a day, only by way of my fiery indifference to pain was I able to write you this letter.
I am truly seething now, my lust for revenge will not by dampened until such time that the trickster Semithino begs my forgiveness, and if not for my current injuries I would burn his hillock cave to ashes then feast on his broken remains.
Furthermore, I am putting my claw down; you are forbidden to except letters from that stunted fop. And once I recover, my wrath will become unbridled, and I will do such things to him that you cannot imagine. 
Continuing on to other subjects, I have come upon the information that Scaligar is counseling you in new and foul ways of terrorizing villages without even killing every soul in it, but leaving survivors!
No true terrificating dragon would use such base play.
You must hoard them all, eat them all, regurgitate them all, kill them all, and then eat them all again!
I must insist once more that you continue with your rampage, how else will you become an infamously terrible and smushificating dragon? From recent reports, I have come on the news that you have left near half of the population alive in each town, that will only give them a sense that you are too weak to destroy an entire village.
Also I have heard that Scaligar is advising you on joining up with other dragons. That would be unwise nephew, all dragons seek their own gain, and no dragon in its right mind would join up with another without Smushificating him from behind, you must kill all opposing dragons, leaving none alive!
I will be writing soon to mentor you further in the noble art of smashing in the heads of enemies.       
 You’re Incredible, fearful, ferocious, terrible, fear inducing, omnipotent, clear minded, outspoken, infamous, wel speld, overbearing, clairvoyant, humble, wrathful, jellificating, smushificating and modest uncle

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