Friday, November 16, 2012

Letter Forty-Seven

My Dearest Nephew,
From what you have told me of the letters sent to you by your other two uncles I have gathered that (a) your uncle Scaligar has violence issues, (b) he is completely ignorant of the proper way to stage an attack on a cave (I shall come back to that), (c) your uncle Gargazath is really and truly losing his mind, and (d) if any of your uncle Gargazath’s explanation of the way of living of the Drakes on Bootjaw is to be believed, then I am never, ever going there. There is a reason that the drakes were separated from the dragons, they are simply too small-minded to comprehend the scope of their actions.
            Judging by your uncle Scaligar’s threats of an attack on my cave, it would seem that I have a battle to prepare for. I’m afraid that your uncle has next to no chance of winning as he has only his Draconic abilities to avail himself against the power of my elemental pearl. Imagine, if you will, a maelstrom of near uncontrollable energy encased in an object the size of a human skull, the power of which I can draw on at any time. If you imagine this, than you have exactly the wrong idea of what my pearl does. Its powers in fact are purely manipulative, giving me the ability to control the diverse elements of our world upon intoning the proper incantations. This, in short, means that your uncle is in for a sound drubbing. Oh, but I am going to enjoy this, the last time I was in a fight with your uncle, he dropped a cliff on me while I wasn’t looking. Revenge is a terrible thing you know, but justice, on the other claw is a wonderful thing.
            Your uncle Gargazath claims to have been made king of the Drakes and I am not sure whether or not to believe him. On the on paw he is smarter than them even with terminal Bligardazash and could easily be made ruler on intellectual grounds. But, on the other paw, he still would not make a good king as he has revealed in his last letter by informing you that he sailed off in a ship filled with treasure, promising to come back with a king but planning to say away with a fortune. It is not surprising that he chose Yovi as his new home province. That province is a scourge upon the land and a dangerous place for any normal dragon to go. You cannot throw a knight in the air around there without it hitting a hippie on the knee (not that I would know anything about such practices as knight-tossing, no sir, never). No doubt your uncle will fit in nicely around there. Not that he is a hippie, no, no, but there are lunatics around there too you know.
            Now, about your uncle Scaligar’s plan of attack on the cave in which the Rogues are hiding. Utter Folly, that’s what it is. Also, his plan would involve killing off several of them in cold blood what with poisoning the stream, caving in one of the entrances to the cavern, the burning tar and the pitched battle at the other entrance. I have an alternative plan however. It would be better to simply build a makeshift dam across the stream as this would cut off the water supply without killing any of them unnecessarily. Caving in one entrance is not initially necessary; simply make a camp at one entrance with many tents to make it appear your entire force is there. Have lots of dragons patrol about and make lots of noise and a show of fire and strength. At the other entrance, post a very, very small camp of your number and have them all appear to be asleep. Post a large number of dragons upon the upper edge of the cave mouth with a strong net. If the Rogues come out and try to escape through the smaller camp, they can drop the net on them and secure it with the help of the dragons from the other camp. If they try to come out through the large camp, your great numbers should be sufficient to hold them off long enough for the net crew to arrive. This plan is fool-proof, even your uncle Scaligar would be able to follow it.
            Must go now, have to prepare for his attack. Would you suggest icing the landing area above my cave for when he arrives? The river this time of year is rather high and if he slides far enough…
Your humble servant, mentor and uncle,

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