You told the authorities of my
whereabouts warribootts didn’t you??!! You sniveling
piece of CENSORED. I know this because the Yovi law-keepers did NOT find me
slumped over a Yovi bar with fourteen empty pints sitting before me! I refused
to come quietly, but after listening to my burning and intellectually
intillectuualleuy awesome insults around the subject of their mothers’
undergarments they did NOT beat and cudgel kudjull me, then flew me
(after an interval inturrvul of punch-the-face and come-get-the-branding-iron)
back to that cursed sanatorium sanutoreeyum.
Have you ever heard of their chamber of uncomfortable
Well, neither had I, but I sure as Belligast noticed it when the stupid guards
dragged me down there, strapped me to the Chair of Chumminess (I hate those
comedians) and proceeded with 34ooo, 564 and a half interrogative tortures.
They call it the Insane Dragon Tortures for reasons reezuns they wouldn’t
tell me and are beyond me.
I shall never forgive you, Smok; it is because of you that I had to experience the first seven tortures, consisting of:
1. Squirting soap into some of the more
sendzidivv of my bodily limbs and apertures appurchurrz.
2. Whacking the recipient with a big ol’ stick.
The Rest: you
don’t want to know.
After these taxing
and unde quite frankly, embarrassing
umbaruzzing tortures to yours truly. (I mean, who would woode think the
stupid torturer torchurrurr would get tired and take a lunch break,
leaving me with torture six to deal with? By the way torture six was holding
hulldinge a basket of food above the torturee’s head, I was sourly tempted
tumpded) After this they dragged me back to my ‘room’ and left me there, mentioning
menshunnin something about me not being insane enough for the rest of the tortures
I simmered there for three whole days,
occasionally owekazhonully visited by guard
dragons carrying the spectacular meal of gruel; known to some of the sanatorium’s
bad dragons as Senile Slop, eggs and bacon; both woven from leather, and water,
in a nice big cup and always homesteaded by demised insects of several
While in my simmerus state I have come up with a working
hypothesis hipothizeez; you
are a worthless wurthluzz nephew nevue, if I were you I’d want to
change back into you iew who is me. I would even break brakke off
all contact with you but I won’t, only because my water closet has an abundance
unbundunss of vellum used for not-her-mentioned rather rathurr important
But, to torture your soul, I shall cut off contact
temporarily tempurrarrillie and let
you boil in the pot of betrayal until I see fit to start anew our
awesome auzumm, powerful,
all-powerful, power draining, Incredible uncruddybull, fearful, ferocious
furrozhuz, terrible, fear inducing, imposing, omnipotent, clear minded,
outspoken, infamous, wel speld, overbearing, great, clairvoyant
klarrvoiyiunt, humble and modest moddizt uncle