Sunday, July 20, 2014

Welcome to the Yolapalooza for Posts!

Friends, bloggers, followers, lend me your ears! I come not to bury the blog, but to have people read it!
Allow me to introduce the rules for today's posts. Over the course of the morning and afternoon we three will be posting contests, letters and possible a lovely hampster biography. The rules and sanctions are simple and go as follows.
1. Read!
2. Enjoy!
3. (possibly comment?) help me out here...
and so without further digress, let introduce the latest, and long anticipated Draconian Letter!!!!! Book Two Letter Forty-Five!
My dearest nephew,
My sincerest and most genuine apologies for my late lapse in communication, the only excuse that I can give you is that for the last few months I have been in prison.
Shocking as this may seem it is in all truth a fact. I believe you last heard from your uncle Trubodox (ah, or maybe it was Scaligar), when he told you of our rescue plans of Limmie the Mildly Cute. It is from this act of valor that all the grief and plumbing issues of the past few months flowed.
I will not go into any great detail on the subject of the events that followed Scaligar and my entrance into the cave where the Drakes were and shall go further as to say that nothing can be conclusively proven about it and that those claw prints could belong to anyone. Oh and Bunt of the Recently Fractured Vertebras is lying…as are both of his eye witnesses.       
Anyway on to the rest of the tale. As you doubtless heard from your uncle Trubodox, he and your uncle Scaligar and myself all flew off to rescue Limmie when we heard of her capture. Upon arriving and, er, dealing with the situation at claw, your uncle and myself were arrested on baseless charges such as assault and battery, property destruction, disturbance of the peace, harming foreign citizens, excessively pyromania, and pig hurling.
      Your uncle Trubodox never managed to be charged in this way as he was apprehended before he even reached our destination and arrested for speeding on the Skyway, flying at unhealthy troposphere related altitudes, and vehemently resisting arrest. The rest of his story I will give over to him in his next letter.
    Your uncle and I were taken by the officers of the law to the nearest courthouse, tried, convicted and sentenced to six months time within the remarkable time span of 45 seconds.
Now I know what you’re thinking, that it has not been a full six months since I last sent you a letter and you would be quite right to think this as it is the truth. However, there were certain circumstances surrounding my release that explains this apparent cosmic mistake in very, um, physical terms.
As you may remember I am a good friend of the Draconian camouflage artist Morflix the imperceptible. As you may or may not know Morflix is also a highly accredited lawyer. When I asked him for his assistance in my situation he agreed immediately and came to my aid.
Once he had managed to get my case bumped up to the next available it was a simple matter to siguise himself as an inmate and stage a prison riot as I just happened to be making my way under escort to the courthouse from the prison.
And there you are my young nephew, the reason that I have not sent so much as a postcard (prisons have no postcards, silly Dragon) for months.
Don’t ask me how your other uncles are faring I have no idea at the moment being on the run as I am not in a position where I can come by such information at the moment.
Until the next time,
Your humble servant, mentor and uncle,
And so it begins! Next post at high noon, don't miss it! comment and enjoy!

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