Sunday, July 20, 2014

Finale Extravaganza!!! (Letters 48 and 49)

Welcome to the final post in our First Annual Yolapalooza for Posts!!! Firstly, we have some letters you might want to read, inhale, ravage, like? Look at the bottom of the post for the true Finale to the day's works!
Enjoy, one, two and all!!!

My Dearest Nephew,

I apologize for frogspawn on this letter, it was necessary. I had to send it by toad so as not to draw the attention of the authorities to my location. Why the toad was carrying frogspawn is a completely different tale which you really really don’t want to know. Seriously though, don’t ask, there are some things simply too terrible for a dragon’s mind to comprehend.
Anyway, at the moment I am to my shame, on the run from the coppers. This is a new experience for me but I think I may be able to struggle through this ordeal. The sunshine here on the beach is getting irritating after the past two days out here and the sand doesn't half get up in your scales and also the ice in my lemonade is melting.
I’m still having nightmares about the horrible experiences I had in prison. The horrors I was forced to endure in that place! If you will believe it, at one point the toilet didn't flush and then on the same day WE RAN OUT OF TOILET PAPER!!! It was a horrible torment.
With the memories of such things as a dragon must suffer in prison so fresh in my mind, I have been toying with the idea of breaking your uncle Scaligar out of his prison. I haven’t really gone too far into the planning stage, I just banged out a quick 3D model of the prison complete with plumbing routes and got in contact with a few local mercenaries and briefed them on the situation. But as I said, I am still only just considering the notion.
Must run now, volleyball on the beach much planning to be done.

Your humble servant, mentor and uncle,



Dear client Smok,
The name is Scarlet, Trubodox the Scarlet. In all my five days of being a professional detective, life hasn't been easy. Once you've seen the dark side of the provinces it leaves a mark on you that doesn't scarper in the wash, if you know what I mean.
    As you might have noticed, nephew of mine, I have taken a liking to the more mysterious sides of things, mainly due to my decision concerning your incarcerated uncle Scaligar.
     From my sources, I have gleaned the facts that Scaligar has been sentenced to six centuries in one of the only Eastern provincial jails, Sunshine & Stretch Racks Institution, on the outskirts of Zuul. Also I've gotten the information that my relative plans an escape sooner than later.
    As a curious detective, after realizing these facts I sped off to the prison in a scarlet flash of awesomeness!
    Taking caution in claw, I decided to stop by a few places to accumulate an appropriate disguise so to make myself as unobtrusive to the Institute and surrounding province as possible…
First I burned down a large cow barn for grade A ash with which to blot my scales dark. This base completed, I secondly dammed a major river and plucked several choice gobs of mud from its swelled depths to solidify my ashen disguise.
    Next I sheared the beard off an old geezer bought an authentic geezer beard at a Draconian pawn shop and fastened it to my jaw by way of fish gut glue, gleaned by draining an out-of-the-way reservoir.
    My unobtrusive camouflage perfected I glided rather chunkily off to S&S for a visit with my beloved brother-in-law.
    Proclaiming myself Botox the Decidedly Bristly, I was quickly admitted to the main conversation chamber, which divided inmates and visitors by way of rock crystal windows.
    I quickly found Scaligar, carving a bored tick-tack-oh-no game into the crystal partition. I introduced myself as a Yovian lawyer coming for advice on some legal matters. He seemed slightly suspicious, but I soon coaxed him into giving me a lecture on the merits of legal disparities of the third law of Dragons connecting with marital fluctuations in historical, stuff.
    Once I woke up again, I began steering the conversation towards prison breakouts, and as I had broken into his comfort zone, he began to vaguely outline his secret plans of escape.
    But, drat the luck, he noticed a tiny detail off of my genius disguise just as he was giving me the real facts.
   “DRAGONS DON’T HAVE BEARDS!!!!!” he screamed, and crashed through the glass wall, wrapping my handsome beard about my throat and swinging me around like a lasso.
    Needless to say I retaliated vehemently. My honor and fluffy beard had been defiled, and so, with a slightly gurgling war cry, I cracked a sword shaped piece of hardened mud off my back and proceeded to fence him around the chamber, him deflecting my thrusts with my beard, and I inventing a strange Cha Cha war dance to avoid his slashing tail.
    Thank goodness Fortunately for Scaligar’s life, several Draconian guards intervened just as I was getting into my stride and dragged us off to a small cramped cell, until we appeared before a judge who sentenced Scaligar to a further three centuries, eighteen years, five months, twenty days, and about ten minutes for misuse of beard hair, large scale destruction, and meanness to relative, while I was sentenced to FIVE CENTURIES IN THE SAME 676b^bB&tbBv&TBBTTTT^*&896^RBV^ts7wer64t CELL AS SCALIGAAAAAAAAR????!!!!!!!!!!

    We’ll see about this Smok. Fear not, another brilliant plan of escape is coming to me.

   Your mistreated uncle,

      Trubodox the Scarlet

 P.S. Alright, send for Semithino’s help.

 P.P.S. No wait, I’ve got a great one!

 P.P.P.S. We need you, Semithino….

 P.P.P.P.S. Never mind, found a good one!

As the first words of the post say, this is the best part of the post so far!! At long last the time of The Draconian Letter wains! But not in the permanent way!
We the authors three plan to finish Book Two of TDL and take a leave of absence of perhaps a month or two, while dropping in the odd post for your enjoyment, where we shall complete the first book of Water Under The Bridge, which shall be posted over several weeks time, while in the briny deeps we shall be working on the next, the greater, and greatest, the fabulous Book Three of THE DRACONIAN LETTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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