Wednesday, July 23, 2014

The Weekly Draconian: 7/23/14. Issue #3.

Stolen M.D. Tied to Convicted Felon; Cristalitis Cured

Columnist: J. Edgar Spinetail
Editor: Krala the Terror

As cristalitis raged across the provinces these past few weeks and doctors raced to find a cure, the fiasco of the stolen medical doctorate was pushed into third-page headlines. However, a new incident came to light connecting the two events.

Convicted felon Scaligar the Serpentine has reportedly come forward with evidence pertaining to the cristalitis case. He urges that he fabricated the cristalitis illness and furthermore stole a doctorate degree some months ago. Scaligar's confession states that he "planned to become the wonder-doctor who cured cristalitis when all others had failed."
His confession was accepted by the court just this past Saturday. Judge Parillax the Crow-Beaked was unavailable for comment, but an anonymous source within the police force has confirmed that the criminal has traded the cure for a reduced sentence and early parole.
Scaligar was originally brought to court on charges of Assault and Battery, Breaking and Entering, and Resisting Arrest. Since then, searches of his home confirmed further charges of Possession of Illegal Explosives and Intent to Distribute Illegal Explosives to Small Hatchlings In Return for Copious Amounts of Candy. His sentence has been reduced from 975 years without parole to 610 years with parole possible by year 480 if he exhibits good behavior.
So, how was this Scaligar so dastardly as to get his sentence nearly halved in one clean play? What other tricks might he have up his armpits? Unfortunately for the press, we were unable to contact Scaligar's known family members, as his brother Trubodox the Scarlet is currently serving time for breaking out of prison, his in-law Semithino is currently in hiding from the law, and his nephew Smok is unavailable for comment.

-J. Edgar Spinetail, reporting for The Weekly Draconian

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