Thursday, January 2, 2014

TOP SECRET DRACONIAN FILES

Due to unusual and unfair technological malfunctions--whether or not they involved garden gnomes with spark plugs...is beside the point--we were unable to sand, shine and post the next letter in the Draconian Letters. However, we will have the letter finished and published at least by the end of the week of the Dragon.
As it is; the replacement for what was to be today's letter, I will uncover several top security Draconian Police files, some of the names may be familiar, but that's just your opinion.
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File #1438.5 Draconian Police Department

NAME: Scarlet, Trubodox the

SPECIES: Dragon, Western, NOTE: offender has been documented publicly proclaiming himself a member of the Mushroom family, however, the fact of his eminent intoxication proves otherwise.

OCCUPATION: Hoarder, brawler, occasional road hazard

OFFENSES: Has been charged and proved guilty of multiple felonies, examples; attempted assassination with the use of a bread stick, countless bar brawls, intentional flight accidents, the defilement of several ancient ballads rendered by himself with greatly modified lyrics, the gobbling of so many sheep, pigs, cows and cats that we cannot fully understand the sum, the attempted assault of relatives, drunk flying, pyromania, carriage theft, etc..

RELATIVES: Serpentine, Scaligar the (File #1439), Benevolent, Semithino the (File #1439.5),   (Unclear), Smok the,.

PRISON HISTORY: Has rebounded in and out of jail so often, he has had an ongoing poker game with a cell mate for over 200 years.

DANGER RATING: High, the Dragon is powerful, and, even with everything against him, a shrewd fighter.

File #1439 Draconian Police Department

NAME: Serpentine, Scaligar the,

SPECIES: Dragon, Western, NOTE: subject has convinced several psychiatrists to the fact that he is, in truth, a special species of universal force, however, the fact that he was talking to three psychiatrists at once says otherwise.

OCCUPATION: Hoarder, strategist, political authority.

OFFENSES: Many and varied, among many other law breakages, Scaligar has been involved in the annexing of three major provinces, the successful submerging of Atlantis, and several attempts to beat his brother Trubodox at musical chairs.

RELATIVES: Scarlet, Trubodox the (File #1438.5), (Unknown), Smok the, Benevolent, Semithino the (File #1439.5),

PRISON HISTORY: Has spent nill time behind bars, due to his number of hideouts, and tactical use of WD40.

DANGER RATING: High, as the Dragon is cunning and belligerent, and has an ego large enough to squash a Yovian.

File #1439.5 Draconian Police Department

NAME: Benevolent, Semithino the, NOTE: Has used several aliases throughout his years, including Blankh the Unknown, Smelly Tomm, and U. Nomeenott, among others.

SPECIES: Dragon, Eastern,

OCCUPATION: Collector of scrolls, hoarder of information

OFFENSES: 756 charges of unprovoked assault and battery, filed by Scaligar the Serpentine, 657 charges of attempted assault and battery, filed by Scaligar the Serpentine,
576 charges of loitering with intent to assault and batter, filed by Scaligar the Serpentine


RELATIVES: Scarlet, Trubodox the (File #1438.5), (Undiscovered), Smok the, Serpentine, Scaligar the,.

PRISON HISTORY: has spent 12 days in prisons over the years. There may have been previous incarcerations, but this cannot be proven as all records of such imprisonments have been destroyed.

DANGER RATING: High, even as a benevolent Dragon, subject has a powerful temper, and a notoriously powerful left tail hook.

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Sorry for the late posting, and we hope you enjoyed it. One day down, seven more to go.
  



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