Monday, January 6, 2014

Book Two Letter Thirty-Nine

My Dearest Nephew,

You went out on a date with Limmie the Mildly Cute?! What a horrible idea! No doubt one of your uncles suggested it? Come on, fess up, which one was it? Never mind, you can tell me in your next letter. Just whatever you do, don’t take anymore courting advice from your uncles.
            Have you decided on your choice for your new home Province? You didn’t decide to move North did you? Oh, and don’t move South either, too close by far to Yovi. You might be well advised to look around the area of the Higard Province, wait, your uncle Scaligar suggested Higard too didn’t he? Whatever you do, don’t stray too near to Higard, it’s a horrible place.
            You want to look around for a coastal Province, preferably with cliffs. Failing that, shop around for a canyon Province, someplace where you can take up residence up in the mountains or in one of the valleys. Never forget to be within flying distance of a human village. You can always find time to help them out here and there.
            Anyway, about the courting thing, don’t have anything more to do with Limmie the Mildly Cute, you can do better than her (or at least, I think you can).
            I shall not list the names of any female Dragons for you to search out and take to dinner, as this feels rather manipulative, and would seem to defeat the true purpose of love. You must seek her out!
            Have you been helping the humans around your area lately? If not, you must get right on it. A benevolent Dragon’s ways must be kept up at all times lest he fall into habits like hoarding treasures and devouring humans and burning villages. Do they need a dam built? Maybe some help with getting rid of a band of marauding scoundrels? Whatever it is, do your best to help, without seeming too beholden to the humans that is.
            I have been corresponding with Drakemart lately in reply to their job proposal. I think that I shall take them up on the offer, despite your uncle Scaligar’s proximity in working conditions. Maybe I shall be able to freeze him with one of those new iceberg makers and prop him up in the corner to fume until the work day is over.
            I hear that the Drakes almost had success in carrying off Xelle from Scaligar’s cave the other day but that he managed to stave them off. Curses. He’s installed a bigger door now I am told. Must send the Drakes a bigger battering ram.
            Anyway, I have to go and help the villagers with a Drake infestation and so I shall now bring this letter to a close,
            Your humble servant, mentor and uncle,

P.S. Don’t forget what I told you about the fire breathing, because I think I have. Just keep doing what I told you in my earlier letters and all should go without permanent injury.

P.P.S. When you pick your new home, either on a Cliffside or on a mountaintop, make sure there are lots of craggy stones around. It should make it harder for heroes to come around and therefore test their resolve. Also you can throw them at your uncles if they come around for a visit.

P.P.P.S. The meals they serve us in this place are unholy. The spaghetti is the worst, like water soaked earth worms, lathered in Sluj, although I won’t go into too much detail lest I put you off your tea. Anyway, I can hardly wait to be free of this place.

1 comment:

  1. Awesome as ever! I predict that Smok moves to Higard.

    Is this the last day of the Week of the Dragon? If so, aw . . . I'm sad. :(