Happy New Year!

Exclusive Fantasy Interview

Interviewer: J.T.Z. Baner

Interviewee: The Ghost of New Years past

In honor of the New Years of this fine new set of twelve-month intervals I have concocted an Exclusive Fantasy Interview with a mostly unknown spirit, Ghost of New Years Past. Ooooh! Commence mad goat laugh! Baah-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ah, much better, well, I’d better carry on before I think of another mad individual laugh.

J.T.Z: Well, let all welcome our newest member, Mr. Ofnewyearpast. Well, Mr. Ghost, what would you like to tell us first?

Ghost: Well Mr. Baner, I’d like to thank myself for seeing fit to come to your interview, let’s give myself a hand! Thank you! Thank you! I’ll be here ‘till—

J.T.Z: YES! Thank you. Yes, that tells us allot. Well, Mr. Ghost, I was wondering if you could tell us what you do, exactly, your explanatory folder was a little out of date.

Ghost: Really? Just how outdated, I’d of thought that with all my raw awesomeness, my papers would be updated frequently.

J.T.Z: Well sir, I got the subtle hint when I came across the sentence, and I quote; ‘to Mr. Ofnewyearspast, resident of the seven states of the American colonies, just a wee little hint there, don’t you think.

Ghost: I do not indulge myself in base matters as ‘thinking’, Mr. 

Baner, I prefer to think on the great mysteries of life, one of which is why the heck am I not president of the universe. I mean…I know that incident with the clown, the mountain goat, and the Guatemalan priest was slightly—

J.T.Z: WELL! I think we should return to the less touchy subject of my prior question; what exactly do you do?

Ghost: Well, to put it bluntly I am the Ghost of New Years Past, I compile the New Year’s Resolutions of all the American people, and if I find one that is completely wrong, I give them a visit and, convince them to take back their audacious and unusual resolutions.

J.T.Z: Well, that’s highly interesting, but Ghost, do you have any correspondents with the other holiday spirits? To name but a few the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future.

Ghost: You bet I do! Every time they call me they start singing the weird song. Wanna hear it? I’ve got it memorized.

J.T.Z: Ah, no, I think this interview is over, frankly I think our readers have seen a little to much so…

Ghost: Here goes; OH MY BONNIE! DECKED OUT IN HOLLY! BOXES AND BOXES OF WIGGLING—

J.T.Z: STOP! I can’t stand it! STOP! STOP! STOOOOOOP!

Ghost: OH! I SEE YOUR PLAN! YOU JUST WANT TO END IT BEFORE I TELL THEM ABOUT HOW YOUR RESOLUTION WAS TO GAIN FIVE HUNDRED POUNDS AND THEN BLAME IT ON AIR EXPANSIOOOOOOn!

Well, we've hoped you enjoyed this New Year's Post! and I hope you understand that I did not resolve to gain said five hundred pounds then blame it on prior mentioned atmospheric conditions. I actually resolved to buy an Aardvark; a gazebo and a telepathic hedgehog then...

Anyway, finding said components I found was not so easily fulfilled, though I did manage to bribe a zoo master into divulging the pass code into the Aardvark inclosure, though I might have lost my way on my way to the inclosure and it was an unfortunate coincidence that the rhinoceros pit shared the same pass code...

Anyway, I am no longer hospitalized and most of the zoo attendees got away from the rampage without further suggestion of psychiatric attention, and so on that fulfilling note I shall end this post, I hope you all have a wonderful, superb and most excellent New Year, and thanks for viewing.

J.T.Z. Baner