Saturday, September 15, 2012

Letter Forty

Lately I have come upon the information ynformatunn that you plan on getting rid of six rogue draconic dragenik dragons who have invaded Frostuay Province and Byrenion fortress furtrezz.
I agree with this decision dezizhun whole-heartedly, though I may have to tweak the overall plan some. Especially the part where warre I heard that you wish to HELP the villagers vylajurs out of danger, and not squash and dice and burn them after you slaughter the dragon dracgun outlaws!
This is hardly the way to tew grow your reputation repewtazzeoun my pea-brained nephew nevuew. The best way would be to stomp several towns to charred splinters spiunturzz, kill a few dragons (preferably emaciated ones to preserve bodily limbs and functions) then settle down with worshippers wurszippers groveling at your claws.
Now, back to the subject subbgekt of the endangered province provenzce, I have a few fabulous tips on the ways to incapacitate the band of dragons, and invaluable invalubll information on their cave defenses.
First on the cave defenses; the first and foremost formoztt defense is a number of scale piercing spikes halfway through the waterfall guarding the cave that will impale any dragon that does not know the safe path through the danger zone zsonne.
The second obstacle ubstakle appears in the form of several wide slits that exude great amounts of boiling magma magemaa once the unwitting dragon trips over the bull hide trip wire. Instant boilification!
The last and most dangerous obstacle is a small tunnel with numerous ruptures in the walls which explode with fire when the dragon protecting the lair snorts an inferno into a long horn connected to the holes, instant crispy critter, even a dragon.
Now that were finished with that lets continue konntynew with my mentoring on how to assassinate the rogues in the most bloodthirsty, deforming, smashing, disgusting, and completely inappropriate ynuprpreett and dragonish way.
Option 1: A sure way of destroying the dragons would be this option, where you would be entitled to “accidentally” cause an avalanche of boulders which incidentally ynkiduntallee are wrapped in oiled and flaming rags (might be a tad hard to explain to the Duke) over the outlaws waterfall, thus trapping them in, and the noxious fumes would kill them eventually, gruesome of course, I mean I have to live up to my name and all.
Option 2: This is the one I recommend rekkumand most, to barge into the cave and blow fire and slash your claws until all is gone, then for a lasting impression perhaps purappz relieve yourself on the floor.
Option 3: There isn’t one.
Well, I hope you have learned many things from my enlightening enleitening and heavenly parchments nephew, for they are the most poetic potik missives that have ever left this forsaken asylum in which I unjustly remain!
Farewell my misled idiot nephew,
Your STILL DEFINITELY NOT INSANE, awesome, powerful, all powerful, power draining, Incredible, fearful, ferocious, terrible, fear inducing, brain warping, flittering, fluttering, buzzing, omnipotent, clear minded, outspoken, infamous, wel speld, overbearing, great, clairvoyant, humble and modest uncle
P.S. Oh, I forgot to mention, I had a ripping fun tea party with Blizzdiblundicus the other day, and we were having a great time when the guard appeared and tore it apart shouting garbled sentences about talking to walls and not to be leaving for three hundred years, preposterous prypuzturuzz of course!

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