Letter One

One

My dear Smok,

It has come to my attention that you are in need of some advice on how to be a dragon. Now, even though you may appear to be a dragon on the outside, there is a real fine art to being a dragon on the inside – that is, to acting like one.

A dragon is a dragon, and nothing else, being such a peculiar and interesting being. A dragon’s every part of himself is made for a specific purpose; that is, the terrification and abusation of humans.

To accomplish this specific purpose, one must be absolutely careful in every way. One must give the exact impression one wants without being too over-the-top or reckless, and without being shy or scared. (Scared? I do hope you know that fear is not in the list of dragonish emotions.)

As your mentor in these things I shall take it as my utmost duty to write you the best advice that I can. It is important that you listen to this advice, since I am now your instructor. Read carefully and my knowledge will be fully revealed to you, and you will be a true dragon – that is, on the inside, my dear Smok.

However there comes a time in a dragon’s life when he or she is challenged by a man, usually some knight fussing over some stolen princess. Be absolutely firm in that you kill this assailant as gruesomely and quickly as possible, both to serve as an example and not to give him a lucky opening which might result in your doom. I want you to be prepared by my guidance for said time fully so that you may rise to your full potential and be the best dragon you can be. Human squashification is the pathway to your grandeur and prolonged existence as a terror and a legend in human memory.

-Your serpentine uncle,

SCALIGAR