Friday, June 29, 2012

Letter Four

My dear Smok,
It has come to my attention that you are moving out of your parents’ cave to a small piece of real estate in the Chur province. I urge you to reconsider! You are not ready yet to begin a campaign as a fierce dragon. No, stay with your parents until I advise you to go. And anyway, even if you were ready I would not want you ending up in the Chur province. It is small and the humans there are hardly worth jellification. You will not prove yourself fierce and mighty at all if you go there. I know a dragon named Slimtail who has taken up residence there; a puny dragon he is, not feared at all. No, you want to move to a place renowned for some semi-greats. Not the legendary ones, mind you, like Poisonfang or Belligast; their reputation would be unsuitable to campaign against. Do not move to Ghuran or Svagor province, either; remember the great Ripptooth who terrorized both those areas? No, pick a coastal province or one in the heart of the kingdom; but the middle are either those of the greats or the wimps. You want neither. I would personally advise you as a successful dragon to choose Higard province. There are many good lair caves there, and the humans are a very great delicacy. Not to mention that there have been a few intermediate dragons there, but not many, so that if you prove to be one of these, even then your name shall spread with reputation. Of course if you have a load of potential and turn out to be one of the greats it will spread even quicker, provided you leave survivors (hehehe). Yes, Higard would be a good choice, but do not move too soon. Understand?
Now, in your letter which you sent me, I notice that you seem to have a liking for sheep as a meal. I realize that you have not really tasted fresh human flesh. I advise you to know that sheep are far worse than men; their fluffy coats get stuck in between the teeth, sometimes causing a draconic gum disease called ‘Cottontooth’. Your teeth grow soft and fall out one by one. To avoid this make sure to sharpen them twice every day and drink plenty of cave-water. Take regular naps if your teeth become soft. I would go so far as to advise you to stay off your sheep diet and choose instead fish; if you sit at a stream with your mouth open in the water, quite a few will swim in and you will have a filling meal. But since your sheep appetite must be sated, try to wean yourself off that and watch for cottontooth.
-Your serpentine uncle,

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