Early last night, a baffling ailment appeared and did not ravage the entire populace of the small river town of Aquaugugugug. Our top journalists investigated further.
The first manifestation of this disease appeared in clouds of murky green mist, which undoubtedly carried a dangerous virus, which was most likely deadly to all it touched. Contrary to this hypothesis, no one has comedown with anything upon contact with the strange, most likely deadly fog.
Next, the town's resident malady began to spread, enveloping entire houses in the terrible mist that did diddly squat in the way of spreading death and disease, however we believe it did clear out the sinuses of a particularly bad cold patient, this disease is evidently sentient, and is attempting to fool the townsfolk into a false sense of well being.
The increasingly dangerous contagion then began to spread to the neighboring town of Zaquaugugugug, where it did pretty much nothing but swirl and creep in the atmosphere. Our investigators are now certain of its nefarious purposes, no other sickness carrier has ever done nothing so convincingly. The danger of the green clouds has surely doubled in its current hyper-intelligent state.
The Fiasco urges all inhabitants of the afflicted towns to stay indoors, except if you have a stuffed esophagus, and pray that the terrible, evil, and completely-harmless-for-the-moment clouds do not mount a movement that is actually dangerous.
What a fiasco!
What a fiasco!
(For more articles on mystery afflictions and strange waterside happenings, see pages 4B-4C)
Written and Researched by Gully Bull LX and Edited by Blynde Tothee'Obveeus XV