Water Under the Bridge Letter 4

Lout, Lout, Lout,
I take it as a sign of goodwill that you did not tell your mother about our correspondence. Keep it that way.
In your most recent (and only, so far) letter to me, you mentioned receiving letters from two other "uncles." Please assure me that you will not listen to their advice. They are not really your uncles. In fact, those letters are most likely part of a scam. "Honest" Bingo Gobspit is no relation of ours, and this Ferkyle Gruntbutt just seems like a very unsavory character, who's probably been elected Cleanest Troll of the Year at least twice. As you can see, you should not trust either of them.
Scam artists are a bad bunch!
-Your real uncle,
Ferdy Snotdrop

P.S. The answer to Question #3 is 187. You're welcome.

8th Riddling Derby Results and Rewards

The battlefield of riddles has quieted, overheated cerebral cortex's have cooled, so now let's PAAAR-TAAAY!

Actually, we're going to announce the latest winner and champion of the 8th Riddling Derby of 2014! Lets look through the answers and tally the points...

Riddle 1.0 (worth 1 point). Mom and dad have four daughter, every daughter has one brother, how many people are in the family?

Solution. 7, 2 parents, 1 brother and 4 sisters.

Solver(s). Sarah and Dmitri Pendragon

Riddle 2.0 (worth 1 point). Take away the whole and some still remains. What is it?

Solution. wholesome.

Solver(s). Dmitri Pendragon and Sarah

Riddle 3.0 (worth 1 point). There are three stoves, a glass stove, a brick stone and a wood stove, but you only have one match. Which do you light first?

Solution. The match.

Solver(s). Sarah and Dmitri Pendragon

Bonus Riddle (worth 2 points). Two cops walked into a room with now windows and found a dead man who had obviously hung himself from the ceiling, though they could not figure out how. There was no chair or table beneath him to conclude he might have used them to hang himself. They just found a puddle of water, how did the man hang himself?

Solution. The man stood on a block of ice.
Solver(s). Dmitri Pendragon


The points and final results are as follows.

Dmitri Pendragon

WINNER!

Points. 5

Sarah

Points. 3

Congratulations Dmitri, you have kept your title as Reigning Champion in the Hall of Riddles, and now for the award that goes beyond the Hall's boundaries!

As today's champion, you have two choices for prizes.

#1. you get to name the subject of an entire post we must publish on the blog.

or

#2. You get to name the creatures featured in our closest Weekend Disaster Post or Sunday Fiasco posts.

Choose wisely.

And great work Sarah! It was almost a tie but Dmitri got to the Bonus Riddle first. But its all good, right? Please don't TP our blog...please...

Too bad for all you others who didn't get a chance at the Riddling Crown! Tune in next week for another Riddling Derby!

Book of the Week Nov. 15 2014 and RIDDLING DERBY!

Are you all watching? Are you all reading? Yes you are!

Welcome back to the Wyvern's Den! Yet again, readers, we at the blog will be fusing two of our attractions into one, but with something else in the mix!

Whoever is victorious in our newest Riddling Derby will get to choose next week's Book of the Week! And something else too....bwaahahaa...

So without further ado, allow me to introduce the 8TH RIDDLING DERBY OF 2014!

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The rules, as always, are simple.

Three riddles of intense difficulty shall be posted below.

You followers and visitors alike shall battle like gladiators with your brains to figure the riddles out before the time limit elapses.

One point will be awarded for every riddle solved correctly.

The Bonus Riddle at the end is worth two points if solved.

All guesses should be inscribed in the comment box below, we authors are very against blog graffiti.

The Riddling Derby Results shall be posted on Tuesday the 18th, at which time all guessing, voting, and stimulating war dancing shall cease.

As our Reigning Champion of the Hall of Riddlers, Dmitri Pendragon should wait exactly one hour, forty five minutes and fifteen and one half seconds before joining the fray, giving the other solvers a chance at the riddling crown.

Let the games begin!

Riddle 1.0: Mom and dad have four daughters, each daughter has one brother, how many people are in the family?

Riddle 2.0: Take away the whole and some still remains. What is it?

Riddle 3.0: There are three stoves, a glass stove, a brick stove and a wood stove, but you only have one match. Which do you light first?

BONUS RIDDLE: Two cops walked into a room with no windows and found a dead man who obviously hung himself from the ceiling, though they could not figure out how. There was no chair or table beneath him to conclude he might have used it to hang himself. They just found a puddle of water. how did the man hang himself?

Comment below with your answers!
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Book of the Week

Peter and the Starcatchers by Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson
Category: YA
Genre: Fantasy
Series:  Peter and the Starcatchers Book 1

The brilliant reinvention of the tale of Peter Pan and Neverland, Dave Barry mixes his perfect comedy with Pearson's writing skills into a perfect mix.
Peter is an orphan who has been taken aboard the ship Neverland, along with his fellow orphans, their destination uncertain. Soon Peter becomes suspicious of the mysterious cargo that the ships holds, which is guarded in an old shabby trunk.
He soon becomes in league with another passenger, young Molly Aster, who has realized the true properties of the trunk, which was meant to be somewhere else.
High adventure on the sea turns into a shipwreck on Mollusk island after the notorious pirate Black Stash makes a move for the treasure.
Hostile natives and a giant crocodile, magic trunks and lost orphans turns Peter and the Starcatchers into a guaranteed must read. You seriously, must read it.
Go. Go read the whole series.
Now.
GO!

                                                 

Letter Three!

Title says it all.
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My young friend,

It’s me, your uncle. If you didn’t know that you had an uncle, then that’s fine. Until very lately, I didn’t know that I had a nephew. And don’t be all indignant at that, I just had a long relapse into the land of not checking my mail.

Anyway, moving on past that point, if my calculations are correct, then you should be nearing your coming of age and the day when you move out of the family cave and make a home for yourself. At this important junction in your life I have decided to enter in and take a hand in the direction your life is moving in. It’s my job to make sure that you make the right choices here, which to a certain extent means not listening to your other uncles as I’m sure that they will start writing to you as well right about now.

Be warned, nephew! They are only trying to bring you down the wrong path in life! They’re like that shadowy Troll on the corner of the street who tells you to come down the alley with him!! If you know not to go with him then we’re on the same page here. If you don’t, well then, I have more to teach you than I originally thought I did.

Your uncles have no idea about what the right choice is, trust me. They will send your life into a nosedive from which there will be no escape! When their letters arrive, burn them! And then hide the ashes somewhere! Better just throw them off a cliff in a bag actually, yes, throw them off a cliff!

Anyway, I wish I could go more into this, but there’s a trio of hippy Billy-goats knocking on the top of my bridge calling for a fight again. Must go do something about this again. The neighborhood watch cares if a few herds of sheep go missing, but when a law-abiding Troll is being harassed by Billy-goats, nothing happens!

Ah well, I suppose I can’t do anything. I’ll just get my club and handle business like I always have.

I hope to write to you again soon little nephew and help you with your important life choices, but don’t count on it, these goats sometimes make it hard for me to write, or indeed read, my mail sometimes.

Until the next time then,

Your uncle,

-Ferkil Gruntsnort

The Sunday Fiasco: Mysterious Deadly Disease Has Absolutely No Effect

Early last night, a baffling ailment appeared and did not ravage the entire populace of the small river town of Aquaugugugug. Our top journalists investigated further.

The first manifestation of this disease appeared in clouds of murky green mist, which undoubtedly carried a dangerous virus, which was most likely deadly to all it touched. Contrary to this hypothesis, no one has comedown with anything upon contact with the strange, most likely deadly fog.

Next, the town's resident malady began to spread, enveloping entire houses in the terrible mist that did diddly squat in the way of spreading death and disease, however we believe it did clear out the sinuses of a particularly bad cold patient, this disease is evidently sentient, and is attempting to fool the townsfolk into a false sense of well being.

The increasingly dangerous contagion then began to spread to the neighboring town of  Zaquaugugugug, where it did pretty much nothing but swirl and creep in the atmosphere. Our investigators are now certain of its nefarious purposes, no other sickness carrier has ever done nothing so convincingly. The danger of the green clouds has surely doubled in its current hyper-intelligent state.

The Fiasco urges all inhabitants of the afflicted towns to stay indoors, except if you have a stuffed esophagus, and pray that the terrible, evil, and completely-harmless-for-the-moment clouds do not mount a movement that is actually dangerous.
What a fiasco!

(For more articles on mystery afflictions and strange waterside happenings, see pages 4B-4C)

Written and Researched by Gully Bull LX and Edited by Blynde Tothee'Obveeus XV

Book of the Week, Nov. 8th 2014

AND now, readers, viewers and people who look at this page but have no clue what it says because their German, the latest Book of the Week!

Half Moon Investigations

By Eoin Colfer

A standalone novel which stars Fletcher 'Half Moon' Moon as the adolescent aspiring P.I. in an Irish county which seems perfectly normal. Until he is drawn into a mystery that will bring him an unlikely partnership with the notorious Red Sharky and his criminal family, a mysterious giant, and a Barby doll 5th Grader who will stop at nothing.

Both thrilling and funny, Half Moon Investigations is the number one book to read...this week.

Category: YA

Genre: Mystery

Series: None so far. Standalone, don't you see.

Water Under the Bridge's Letter 2

The second letter ever to be shoehorned from the world of troll's, gruff billy goats and floating river castles; ladies and gentlemen...

LETTER TWOOO!!!

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Lout,

As a household contractor troll, over the years I have learned the right time for everything. The right time to abduct a hot rolls stand is when the proprietor has been clouted by a sandbag, for instance. The right time to invade a riverside village, pillage, plunder and buy their land at lowered tax rates is after extended siege and aerial bombardment.

            The list carries on Lout, but the most important time for you seems to be upon you. Your adolescent years, when your tender childhood of rule flouting grows into fully fledged disobedience!

          This is a delicate and all-important phase of your rise into adulthood, and we must work hard to retain your immaturity throughout your life, or you shall not succeed in it!

          Take me for example, a strapping troll with no great failing, stringent modesty and a successful home contractor and river pirate!

          My contact will be indispensible to your growing body and mind, and I shall take pride in over lording your entire life.

          Perhaps you’re wondering why such a troll as myself has never contacted you before, besides that condolence card filled with termites after you broke your toe last year.

          Well Lout, I travel a lot, what with my home being a floating castle, I get round, going many places to look at new lands for development and avoiding ornery pitchfork mobs.

          But now I’ve drifted your way, and just in time too, it seems. It appears that I am your only remaining uncle and objective life instructor, your others having died off long ago from strange causes.

          Old Ebenezer who thought mine shafts were portals to other worlds, your uncle Minto Funkmiester who was bitten by a spider and died of shame because it didn’t give him superpowers…and even your grand-uncle Beelzum Bumbust didn’t do a day in jail and was disowned by the family.

          As to the rumors and gossip that have come about concerning that lout (forgive the expression) Ferkil Gruntsnort’s supposed relation to you, they are only rumors.

          I am your only remaining uncle! Your advancement into illegitimate life can only flourish with a true veteran to teach it.

          Now, first we should find out what basic petty skills you possess or should gain.

          Loitering and Lollygagging: Always a good fallback for any day of objective uselessness, though if possible you should do it at school to increase your social standing.

          Chore Avoidance: I have heard from your mother that you are acing this requirement, and I hear your excuses for not taking out the trash cauldron are second to none.

          Bullying: Sadly you seem to be very lax in this ultra-important part of your personal evolvement, I have even read a report from your school including the fact that several schoolmates waved at you without you giving them wedgies.

          Overall Filth and BO: Every troll must have his own personal gut wrenching smell, and none should be seen in public without several layers of muck on them, call me a traditionalist.

          Disgusting Habits: Pick your nose Lout! For goodness sakes! This is possibly the most important skill a young troll can possess, and you must rise to the requirement! Armpit noises seem to be the rage at the moment, though I believe you should invest in ill timed farts, as they will soon come back into style.

          I think we will leave it at that for now Lout, I should give you some time to absorb and adapt, wouldn't like to overcrowd you too soon.

          Just a few last pieces of everyday advice. Ferkil is not your uncle, it’s the truth. If he tries to convince you with immoral papers and stuff, burn them to cinders and slam the weeds in his face.

Also, forget to brush your teeth every morning, let loose toads into your parents’ bedcave at strategic times, and always, always avoid goats with siblings.

          Until your reply I remain your affectionate uncle,

          “Honest” Bingo Gobspit

Book of the Week: November 2nd, 2014

Love to read? So do we. Our Book of the Week list consists of our favorite books, ranging from the classics to less known modern works. Read more to find out what this week's top pick is.

Water Under the Bridge: Letter One

Welcome, various and sundry readers, to Iron Wyvern, where we have before us a momentous occasion: the introduction of our new series of letters, Water Under the Bridge!
Narrated by three trolls to their adolescent nephew Lout, Water Under the Bridge is what critics* call "a cutting-edge masterpiece" and "a series to rival The Draconian Letters."
So, without further ado, we present to you: LETTER ONE!

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Lout, Lout, Lout,
I have taken it upon myself to advise you. You are still a young troll, but you are growing faster than I had anticipated. So I must take it upon myself to guide you in your journey through life. I am, after all, a relative of your mother, (actually I am her brother, though she might claim otherwise. She disowned me when she was seven).
Anyway, on to the mentoring. You are growing into adult trollhood, Lout.
A word of advice: RESIST.
Here are my three commandments to you, based on my past experiences:
1. Take on as little responsibility as possible.
2. Do whatever you want.
3. NEVER BUY AN ENCHANTED TOADSTOOL FROM AN OGRE NAMED TED AT FULL PRICE!!!!!!
That last one is the most important. Don’t ask, Lout; just trust. Anyway, one of the most important things you need to know as you grow into an irresponsible adult: your heritage. Trollkind is one of the most refined of all the Faerie cultures. Of course there are the famous examples, i.e., Skomas Noseyrun (inventor of the Faerie lamp) and Ollivandar Lamb Smell (inventor of the scrying stone). However, who would forget the great musical masterminds, The Beetles? And yes, the rumors are true; Ringo was not a troll, but a dwarf, but that does not discount the whole band. And what about the great writer, G.R.R. Trolkien? I’m just saying, there’s more to troll history than meets the eye.
But anyway, don’t study your heritage too long. A good troll will have a certain amount of disrespect for his forefathers. For example, it is troll custom to spit, defecate, and/or dance on the graves of our elders whom we didn’t like very much growing up.
Anyway, I’m running out of parchment, Lout; but one last request. Please don’t tell your mother I’m writing to you. She may get angry, and we all know what happens when your mother gets angry. She would kill me if she found out I was in correspondence with you. Anyway, till the next time,
Ferdy Snotdrop

P.S. Mail me anything you have questions about in your youthful life. I’ll write back with answers to your math homework advice.

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*Disclaimer: these critics may or may not exist in this dimension.