Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Exclusive Fantasy Interview

Interviewer: J.T.Z. Baner
Interviewee: Secret Agent Spink

Z. Baner: Welcome back to another interesting, intriguing, intricate and ind—

Agent Spink: Get to my part, you narcissist!

Z. Baner: Ah, yes. Let us, without further ado, welcome our guest to the proverbial chair for our next interview.......SECRET AGENT SPINK!!

Agent Spink: why is the chair proverbial?

Z. Baner: Performance tax, expenses are up and intakes are down. Let’s just say we’ll welcome you to the visceral stool of enlightenment. See how it glows!

Agent Spink: is that white paint and glitter glue?

Z. Baner: Mind your own business!

Agent Spink: You wanna piece o’ me! Comm’on! BINKAWADOOOOOO!!!!!!!<(ancient Bulgarian food fight rouser)

J Baner: Anyway!*(give the man back his toupee, Z)*Lets get back onto this show. So; Mr. Spink, what is your exact line of work?

Agent Spink: Well, I run an agency incorporating several Secret Agent Spink artisans, including my own TV show, Secret Agent Spink fitness equipment, Secret Agent Spink action figures, and even I even run the Secret Agent Spink Super Hair Toupee shop—

Z. Baner: Dang right, that hairpiece looked like horsehair.

Agent Spink: I do not wear a toupee, my fine example of an equestrian posterior.

Z. Baner: Keep it up baldy, and you’ll be opening a Spink Skin Graft shop soon…

J. Baner: Lets change the subject shall we?

Agent Spink: Gladly.

J. Baner: So, Mr. Spink, what exactly is your TV show about?

Agent Spink: Well, its ‘bout my adventures with several sidekicks who die at the end of each episode.

J. Baner: How, er, sadistic.

Agent Spink: I’ve had Bobin, Tonkto, Super-Duper Boy, and the Kid Bash, all dying tragically at the end of the last scenes. Usually they get dunked in lava or get dared to have a staring contest with Chuck Norris.

J. Baner: Ooooh, incinerated the ole irises, eh?

Agent Spink: Yes, and the soundtrack is the best. Here, I’ve got a tape of it….

Z. Baner: Dude, that’s the ‘Lone Ranger’ soundtrack.

Agent Spink: It is not!

Z. Baner: Is too, you track thief.

Agent Spink: Is not.

Z. Baner: Is too!

Agent Spink: Is not!

Z. Baner: IS TOO!

Agent Spink: IS NOT!

Z. Baner: IS TOO!!

J. Baner: QUIET!!! Ladies, you’re both pretty, now can we get on with the interview; or will I have to use force?

Agent Spink: I show you force!!

J. Baner: *Choke! Gasp! Cough!*

Z. Baner: Spink, call off Darth Vader and stop stealing the whistling mangoes, you’ll make us look childish. I think we’ll cut off this interview for now, as the property tax will probably be sending a foreclosure on this warehouse soon.

Agent Spink: We’re in a warehouse? I thought it was a penthouse!

Z. Baner: Thought wrong, didn’t ya, horsehair.


[possibly the most violent interview since the leprechaun incursion, we ask you not to sue for mental scarring, and to please enjoy the blog.]

Cap. Shun, officer of the Royal Blogospheric Censoring Association

Z. Baner

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