Sunday, April 7, 2013

Exclusive Fantasy Interview - The Undead Frog Quartet

JTZ Baner: Welcome, welcome one and all, to Iron Wyvern! Welcome! Please enjoy this exclusive fantasy interview featuring....the undead frog quartet!

Frog #1: Flies....fliesss.....

Frog #2: Brainssssssssss....

Frog #3: I'm terribly sorry, Frogs #1 and #2 died of a brain disease so they don't have an intelligible way of speaking, and Frog #4 is mute. I'm frog #3, the frontman of the act, so to speak.

JTZ Baner: How do you do?

Frog #3: I'm well, thank you, considering that I'm dead.

JTZ Baner: So you four are a quartet?

Frog #3: Yes indeed, we are a quartet, as quartetty as quartets come quartet in the quartet.

JTZ Baner: So what kind of music does the Undead Frog Quartet perform?

Frog #3: Well, #4 plays our drums, Frog #1 does the piano and sound effects, Frog #2 does guitar and backing vocals, and I'm the lead singer and tambourine player.

JTZ Baner: So you're not actually a quartet in the traditional sense, with two violins, a viola, and a cello?

Frog #2: MUSH!!!!!!!!!!

Frog #4: *makes a rude gesture*

Frog #3: Eh-herm, excuse my colleagues, they're a tad unstable. You would like to think that we're not a regular quartet, young laddies, but I assure you...we are.

JTZ Baner: So, you also do string instruments?

Frog #1: YOUR ETYMOLOGICAL FACE!!!!

Frog #3: No, we do not also do string instruments, except guitar, which doesn't really count. We're a piano-driven indie rock quartet band.

JTZ Baner: So anyway, how many albums have you released?

Frog #4: *makes another rude gesture*

Frog #2: BRAINSSSSSSSSS!!!!

Frog #3: YOU HAVEN'T BOUGHT OUR ALBUM YET???!!!

Frog #1: A POX ON YE AND YER LILY-LIVERED PRIMATE HELPERS!!!

Frog #3: You need to buy it NOW!!! Or we will egg your house and torch your lawn and TP your cars and fork your face!

JTZ Baner: *getting out wallet* Okay, okay! How much is it, and what's it called?

Frog #1: PENNIES ON THE DOLLAR!!!! JUST FIFTY-SIX BILLION, FOUR HUNDRED FORTY-EIGHT MILLION, TWO HUNDRED SEVENTY-SIX THOUSAND, TWENTY-FOUR BUCKS!!!

Frog #3: Excuse my undead colleague. What he meant to say was--GHOST PAIN!!! AGHHHH!!!!!!

JTZ Baner: What's happening? Why are you writhing in pain?

Frog #3: Sorry about that. Every once in a while, I remember that my legs got chewed off by a turtle and I bled to death, and I feel ghost pains. It's really just excruciating.

Frog #4: *sticks out tongue at #3*

Frog #3: Hey! *slaps #4* Anyway, our album is called "Tongues of Pink" and it's on sale for $6.99. It's the greatest thing you'll ever hear! Especially #2's awesome guitar solo on the fourth track!

Frog #2: BRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!

JTZ Baner: We'll make a mental note to get a copy. Well, time up, anyway! Goodbye!

Frog #4: *flips everybody off*

JTZ Baner: Hey!

Frog #3: Well, we gotta skee-daddle, hehe, bye!

JTZ: HEY, YOU GET BACK HERE!!!! I WANT A WORD WITH #4!!!!!

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