My Dearest Nephew,
Ignore the sentence above. I made more than one attempt at
writing this letter is all and after a while the nurses here at the house of
healing I am currently bunking in refused to give me more sheets of parchment
after I crumpled up and burned my 36th attempt. The nerve!
Anyway, I am
in a hospital at the moment, thanks to your uncle Scaligar’s ungrateful
behavior, but I am getting ahead of myself.
It started
when I came to rescue him and that Drakess from their icy demise on the frozen
tundra, wait, no, it really started when your father Rorfang married your
mother and we met for the first time. I shall never forget that day, what
fireworks there were and there weren’t even supposed to be fireworks at your
parents’ wedding! But anyway, telling the story of my injuries at your uncle’s
hands from there would take a very long time.
I set out
from the refueling station where I had questioned the Drakes about the location
where they had marooned your uncle Scaligar and the Drakess, intending to do my
best to rescue them. Seeing as I would be all but blind and totally unable to
locate your uncle in the blizzard by sight, I decided to put the ol’ elemental
Pearl to use and turn to forces of nature to help me along my rescue quest.
I influenced
the blizzard around me to locate your uncle Scaligar and concentrate itself
around his position. A brilliant plan, eh? If your uncle and the Drakess
sheltering with him from the storm did not die of cold and exposure too soon, I
would be sure to find them and rescue them.
When I found
your uncle after a few hours of searching through the blizzard, I descended in
magnificent Draconian glory (don’t believe a word of this crashing headfirst
into the snow thing your uncle Scaligar fabricated)
At first your
uncle and the Drakess seemed quite happy to see me and Scaligar ran to me and
fell upon my neck and wept and told me he was sorry for all of the terrible
things he had done to me over the years and that he would clean my cave and do
my laundry for the rest of his days in penitence.
I accepted
his apology gracefully and said to him “Let us kill the fatted turkey and roast
it, for my brother has apologized for all of the heinous crimes he has
committed and has said that he shall do my laundry…”
Very well,
none of that actually happened although your uncle did seem glad to see me
right up until I told him how I had made the storm stronger around him to find
him at which point he began to inflict upon me the injuries that put me into
this house of healing.
After he had
sent me flying into the snow after a triple spin punch and a wackerdoodle tail
kick and I had spent my last reserves of breath quipping “You’re welcome” YOUR
UNCLE SCALIGAR PROCEEDED TO USE MY ELEMENTAL PEARL TO MANIPULATE THE STORMS AND
SEND THEM AWAY!!!!!!!!!!! MY ELEMENTAL PEARL!!!!!!!!!!!!
HJGDDKGHGDGYYWYDYGYWDJDDFFFUFGFFUFGFDHDHDHSIEIEIKDFIW8F503FDFVNEKTI4NHDDFIJAHJei38fTAYAeufegiw4w8iHAKSFREI5HPEOJGIHPIW;J;OP9Y
M.IU
.,KNETHO[HJKJ-U0YOHJ[PJ5JP36T9U0G3G’OJEWOGJ]P4PO5JYKH[4MIHKG[OGOK!!!!!!W?”?’////V’;F,RBRE;’WE//1//1/3/G.W/32/1///!??!?!?!F,F,,O3POGPGM3MG3GOUGWEWEKFPRLF[PGO-JP4OPGMT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Note: this
letter was sent without a signature as it had to be taken from the possession
of the patient by the name of Semithino in ward 7 as he appeared to have
deteriorated into a state of frothing fury and had to be led away to quiet room
for a series of deep breathing and yoga sessions lest he hurt somebody.
