Smok,
Concerning matters of late I
believe that the stereotype from hell would not be able to accomplish the
explanation of the current situation between me and my brothers.
Of late I have discovered the correspondence now running
between Scaligar’s cave and Semithino’s battle-field (forgive me but from what
I hear the word ‘cave’ no longer does that war zone justice) and also the plea
for assistance from Semithino to Scaligar.
I contemplated carrying out my plan of ‘unseen
investigation’ on Semithino. But, thinking over thoroughly, running through the
pros and cons of the situation, working out the victories and defeats that were
estimated to happen, I decided not to go. See, when you make it sound
scientific it doesn’t sound like you just don’t want to get mugged by a Drake
butler armed with bananas and a brain akin with a crowbar.
Well, anyway; on to more important matters. I have lately
realized that your uncle Scaligar has blatantly oppressed my ingratiating
requests to desist his incessant posturing, although some might call it
mentoring, by sending you more advice on how to hone your skills as an aspiring
Draconian terror.
I advise you to liquidate those letters before they can
imprint their foul mark upon a speck of gray matter. Hopefully this will
discourage him from sending you anymore babbling missives. Also hopefully it
will stop him from planting root explosives in my Zinnias.
Anyway, on the subject of your uncle and mentoring, I have
read his narrative on how to hone your fire breathing skills. BLOWING UNDER
WATER?! Nonsense! Piffle! Every morning you must climb to the top of a
mountain, where the air is thinnest and attempt a ten second flamethrower. This
will prepare your furic lung and flame capacity for unforeseen circumstances,
as the thinned air will adapt your lungs, as the fire breathing process usually
needs a full intake of air, and the thinned air at a mountain’s summit will
give a perfect practical example. It will attune you to your physical limits
and allow you to appreciate your abilities to adapt to similar circumstances,
such as breathing fire in a blizzard, breathing it under water with a
blocked tube; the possibilities are countless.
I have seen that you have taken my advice from my previous
letter, and have taken to reading the ancient scrolls. I commend you for your
efforts, as most archived materials are flammable; and my antics as a
Dragonlett have since banned me from the premises of several libraries that
will remain unnamed for reasons involving statutes of sworn secrecy, a
particularly dedicated librarian’s vendetta and several attorneys.
Your loving uncle,
Trubodox the Scarlet
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