Letter Thirty-Four

My dear Smok,

It has come to my attention that Gargazath is about to be abducted and taken to a sanatorium, where his mental health will be treated. What joy I feel! I personally signed up to be a member of the team that captures him! Since he knows my face, I am not on stakeout duty, but I will help with the actual abduction.

Could you tell Semithino to go die in a hole? He has been very rude as of late.

Now, off the subject of your other uncles. I BEG—BEG!—OF YOU, PLEASE DO NOT BECOME A BENEVOLENT DRAGON!!!

There are only so many times a dragon can turn from his true destiny. And yours is to be a traditional great dragon, your moral struggles forever embedded in legend as a lesson to young wayward dragons. You could be famous! Famous, I tell you! You could conquer the whole world, be the next Belligast the Bold!

You could have sway over all provinces, all dragons, all men! You could be SUPREME OVERLORD OF ALL AWESOMENESS!

I, of course, would be your very favored advisor-in-chief, with all the riches I ask for. Don’t worry; I wouldn’t ask for very much, in proportion to your grandeur.

Semithino has hold of your mind now, though; I am afraid that you must break the connection that has linked his mind to yours, or else you will be doomed!

What is fifty-three times seventy-eight?

-Your serpentine uncle,

Scaligar