The Knowledge of a Homeschooler

Begun at an early age, the teaching of a homeschooler is profound and ever nourishing. Whoever might say their dumb cuz possibly they might not talk or writ gud unglish, or maybe some of those fat perspiring bovines think their tactless because they never get out:
This list of homeschooling principals should disprove those unbelievers and affirm the true belief that homeschoolers worldwide are given infinite knowledge and profound life lessons ever day of their young lives.
Enjoy.
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1. My mother taught me

TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL  DONE .

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.

I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock

you into the middle of next week!"

4. My father taught me LOGIC.

" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,

you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case

you're in an accident."

7. My father taught me IRONY.

"Keep crying,

and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

"Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times.

Don't exaggerate!"

13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..."

14. My mother taught me about

BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .

"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in

this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

"You are going to get it from your father

when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes,

they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know

when you are cold?"

20. My father taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,

don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me

HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut that door behind you.

Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand.

25. My father taught me about JUSTICE .

"One day you'll have kids,

and I hope they turn out just like you !"