Exclusive Fantasy Interview - The Hooded Huddleglum

J.T.Z. Baner: So, Mr. Huddleglum, thank you for being with us tonight.

Huddleglum: Oh, you have no idea how hard it was to get here. I got bushwhacked by hippos on the way.

J.T.Z. Baner: How do you get bushwhacked by hippos?

Huddleglum: Don’t ask. I won’t tell you a thing about it. It’s too gruesome. First, they hunker down in some bushes. Then they jump out at you roaring like lions and gnaw on your appendix. Your spleen goes next, which they spear on a spike. Next, they pull out your slimy stomach and tear it in half—

J.T.Z. Baner: Okay, okay, we get the picture. Anyway, how have you been doing, insofar as the revolution you started?

Huddleglum: That’s classified, my friends. We’ve been conducting several toilet paper raids on the royal castle, and we’re about to pull a heist on a chocolate frog caravan tomorrow night—hey, are you writing down what I say?

J. Baner: Yep, and we’ve also got three cameras watching you. This’ll be known to the world! You’ll be an international legend!

T. & Z. Baner: J!

Huddleglum: Agh, you evil scumbag wretches! I’m LEAVINGGgggg!

Z. Baner: Thanks a lot, J. We had a great scoop there, and you blew it!

J. Baner: What? I didn’t know he’d be worried about cameras!

T. Baner: Duh, J. He’s a secretive revolutionary marsh-wiggle who wears a hood, steals coffee beans, and eats teddy bears.

J. Baner: He eats teddy bears?!

Z. Baner: Yep. He likes the fluffy texture. Well, unfortunately, that’s it for now, folks! See you next--oh, forget it. See you soon, I suppose. Whenever that might be...

J. Baner: That's assuming we don't get bushwhacked by hippos, of course.

T. Baner: Hey, wait! The Hooded Huddleglum left something in his seat!

Z. Baner: Is that what I think it is?

T. Baner: It's a note.

J. Baner: What's it say, what's it say?

T. Baner: "TOP SECRET: Plan to assault the castle. Wait till nightfall, dress up as limping chickens, and cry for help. The guards open the gates, smack them with bags of flour. Take their T-shirts, soak them in formaldehyde, and replace the duke's blankets with those. Then raid the cellars, leaving little teddy bear heads nailed to the wall. Exit, pronto, and show up in the morning waving protest signs. Signed, The Hooded Huddleglum."

Z. Baner: That's diabolical!

J. Baner: Um, might want to look at the time, guys.

T. Baner: That leprechaun threw the clock out the window, remember?

J. Baner:  Well, anyway, my watch says WE'RE LATE! Remember that meeting with the banana pacifist jelly bellies? Well, we're half an hour late.

T. Baner: Who scheduled this interview?

J. Baner: Er, don't look at me. I was busy writing the new installment in the top-secret blog flrgllshmrt!

Z. Baner: Well anyway, we gotta split. Goodbye, folks! See you...er...soon, I guess!