100 Cupboards Book Review

I think its time to change the Iron Wyvern slightly by packing in the occasional book review on recently read and enjoyed books that we have read. The first of many will be 100 Cupboards, a book that I enjoyed profusely and see fit to publish a review on its pros and cons.

The overall set up of the book is great, Henry’s parent’s kidnapping, his finding of the mysterious cupboards, and my personal favorite, the Raggant that started it all introduced at the end and revealing all of the questions that popped up throughout the book.

It was a pretty good book on most accounts, but it didn’t explain few things, like his parents for instance; Why would he completely forget about his parents especially in the numerous crisis’s that sprang up in the book, N.D. Wilson kind of messed up there, at least in my view he did, which only goes to show that all authors make several mistakes in their career, even my all time favorite and idolized author Brian Jacques made a few slip ups in the start of the Redwall series (For instance, he mentions humans vaguely in his first book, along with getting the scale wrong on a few occasions like the horse drawn cart bigger than the trees).

Anyway, on to the characters of the 100 Cupboards:

The main character Henry is well put together with his occasional doubts and fears about his new hometown, baseball and such, the kind of thoughts that would certainly invade a modern minor’s mind (forgive the continued M words), so, Henry is well put together, so are the three Willis girls, one Tomboy, one by-the-book and so forth. (don’t want to reveal to much about the story).

I think my favorite character beside the Raggant of course is Zeke Johnson, mostly because I think he’s what Americans should be like, polite, protective, friendly and etc.. And he plays baseball, which is a sport I enjoy but don’t play often.

I think that is all for now, and I think that’s a passible review on 100 Cupboards.

Hope you enjoy it,

J.T.Z Baner 

Letter Fifteen

My Dearest Nephew,

I hear that you have made up your mind as to what occupation you are to follow and are planning to go out on a rampage. I must express my disappointment in your choice of occupation and urge you to reconsider. A life of pillaging and dragon treasure repossessing is not for you. However, as you seem set in this idea, I see it as my duty to give you some advice as to how the best way to go about this is. Though I have never gone out on a rampage in my life, I do know the best forms of defensive fighting.

            First, never attack or attempt to repossess the treasure of a dragon too much larger than yourself. It would be folly to do such a thing as you have no experience with fighting and are not a dragon of great size yourself. Therefore, it would be wisest to take on dragons of your size or smaller if you were to have a chance of besting them in battle. If you do choose to attack a dragon of greater size, or if one seeks you out and challenges you, find a place where you have the advantage in the fight. This may sound like cheating, but it is your only chance of survival in such a foolhardy fight.

            I have no doubt that both of your other uncles are advising you on such bloodthirsty topics as the killing of warriors, burning of towns and crops and the repossessing of large parts of another dragon’s hoard. Although you made the choice to become such a dragon, the blame cannot be entirely laid at your feet. Some of it must go to your other uncles, Scaligar and Gargazath. Those two have been acting with irresponsible lack of thought for others from the time of their youth.

            I remember meeting them when the two sides of the family came together. I never really liked them. Scaligar was always crafty and scheming, never content with what he has. Although he may have been filling your head with delusions of his grandeur, he was in fact, never a great dragon, either of the Western or Eastern type and although he may have made a name for himself at one point, he lacked the ability to keep himself in the history books and has faded from the memories of the people he once terrorized, and rightly so!

            Gargazath on the other claw has all of Scaligar’s bad qualities with none of his wit or intelligence. He sees only the carnage that can be wreaked and the blood that might be shed. His idiocy is known far and wide and his arrogance also. He has had a history of any sort although he boasts of a long life in which he has become one of the greatest western dragons ever known and feared throughout the land by man and beast.

            As you can see, your uncles have no experience in the real maters of life and as such I am shocked that you have taken their advice and gone rampaging off to terrorize the humans of the land.

            Your disappointed uncle,

            Semithino

Letter Fourteen

Smok,

At last you have come to your senses! A rampage, the best way to make your name known and feared throughout the land! But I advise you not to stop at Aolia, it is a tropical place, and it would take far too long for the story of your infamous attacks on their crops to reach the ears of other provinces.

You would do best by traveling from the burning Aolia and come to my provinces; Borgard is a rich place, with many duke’s castles and farms to terrorize; Sandemar is a sheep land, which would be best fit for snacks and the occasional sheep-bombing of towns (it never fails to send the humans screeching from their houses).

The best strategy would be to burn a few of the larger towns, killing everyone but making sure there is a nice tall smoke trail, so to bring horrified farmers to the scene.

Eat them all! Then kill them! Then hoard them! Perhaps not in that particular order...

But now onto the most crucial part of your rampage, your title and name: Smok, if I may be so blunt, is a feeble and weak name (I have no idea why your deluded parents gave you that horrid name). But I have thought on this, and have come up with a few well-chosen titles.

Gerdrex the Dastardly, a strong name, liable to strike fear into the minds and hearts of the filthy humans, especially in Borgard

Sygorax the Scoundrel, a rogue like name, liable to quickly fly through travelers from town to town until your name is feared in every land; except perhaps Yovi, those fops are nothing but drunkards and mindless idiots.  

With this in mind, you shall go far, though not as far as your esteemed uncle (me, of course) has.

Your Incredible, fearful, ferocious, terrible, fear inducing, omnipotent, clear minded, outspoken, infamous, wel speld, humble, most modest uncle

Gargazath 

Letter Thirteen

My dear Smok,

It has come to my attention that you are planning a rampage. I understand that the humans in Aolia are woefully underprepared for dragons. There are a few sizeable towns and a smattering of villages, as I looked up in the records. It is an easy place to terrorize and a place where you may make a small name for yourself.

The trick to spreading rumors of your ferocity is to kill as few humans as possible; this may baffle you, but it is good advice. Humans, especially shocked and terrified humans, are prone to great exaggeration, especially those of the female type who are easily terrified. And of course the men are very gullible and will believe that the women who tell them of ‘that huge monstrous serpent, swooping down upon burning fields, unharmed by even the strongest sword’ to the extent that they will think it necessary to move to another, safer province immediately. Of course, helped along by several alcoholic beverages, the men will exaggerate the exaggeration; that is to say, they will spread your name so far that you will be an immediate success. You have your name; the nephew of Scaligar himself! And of course you will have your extreme reputation, as rumored among those survivors you leave in Aolia.

Now, on that note, rampages are often long and tiresome things; feel free to bail out at any time. I understand that Gargazath would be in favor of a prolonged, stupid rampage, but no; something a bit shorter is much better, and always make sure to leave survivors! And the best rampage is one in which you kill another (hopefully bigger too) dragon in plain sight. The humans will think you so fierce that they will quail at your very name, which of course you will make known to them by burning the letters into their crops.

-Your serpentine uncle,

Scaligar

Just in case any of you followers of our blog out there want to know more about us, our initials are J.W.B.T.N.G.Z.L.P.G. for national security reasons, we cannot tell you our names, or where we live. No, we cannot tell you that we live in Oklahoma city or that one of us has red hair so don't even bother asking.
    Some of our favorite books are as follows:
    1. Airman by Eoin Colfer 
    2. Behemoth by Scott Westerfeld
    3. The Golem's Eye by Jonathan Stroud
    4. The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman
    5. The Ring of Solomon by Jonathan Stroud
    6. Bran Hambric and the Fairfield Curse by Kaleb Nation
    7. Warriors: The Darkest Hour by Erin Hunter
    8. Inkheart by Cornelia Funke
    9. Leviathan by Scott Westerfeld
    10. The Rogue Crew by Brian Jacques
    11. The Eternity Code by Eoin Colfer
    12. Skulduggery Pleasant by Derek Landy
And there you have it, a list of some of our favorite stories along with their authors.
    The three of us are working on numerous stories both short and long as well as a trilogy together but have yet to become published authors.
    We cannot tell you our ages as it might endanger the state's security but we can tell you that one of us is thirteen just turned fourteen,another twelve lately turned thirteen and another eleven awaiting his twelfth birthday.


-J.T.Z. Baner

Letter Twelve

My Dearest Nephew,

My esteemed colleague Elithu the wise has informed me that you have taken up residence in Aolia, a most excellent move on your part. Now you must work diligently at building up the trust and goodwill of the villagers close by. They must come to know you as a source of wisdom and benevolence instead of as a plague of fire and fume. Such a job will be difficult for one such as you who have the unmistakable looks of a Western dragon. Creatures with bat-like wings, the ability to breathe fire and spade-tipped tails have a disparaging reputation as vile creatures that constantly steal, hoard and kill. As such you must work extra-hard to put yourself in the god graces of the townsfolk close by. You might consider finding out what great problems the village is dealing with at the moment (there are always one or more of them) and assist the people in dealing with it. It will not do to have them believe that they should expect this from you, but make sure that they see you a source of help rather than woe.

             Now, about your lair. If you have taken a cave on the cliffs, I applaud your good taste. Such places are best for the benevolent dragons as I have said before (for full reasons, look over my previous letter) the entrance ought to be something dramatic so you should think of some way to make anyone entering the cave a bit fearful and respectful, perhaps a curtain of green vines or lichen leading to a shadowy interior. Sleeping arrangements should be easy to arrange in Aolia where as I remember there is an abundance of soft plant life that makes an excellent nest. Any treasures you are brought by heroes should be displayed with a seemingly casual air, scattered about the floor in beams of sunlight or arranged in crevices on the walls. A bit of drama is usually in order as well so you might want to find some incense to burn in small amounts to give your lair a shaded, aromatic air.

            As I said before, do not give your assistance to any villager who wails to you from the top of the cliff but wait for the ones who attempt to climb down the cliffs to speak to you. If they get rather close and then fall, it is fine to catch them so that they will trust you and you will have someone to talk to as life on the cliffs, as peaceful as it is, can get rather boring.

            I sincerely hope that my advice will help you in your new life and that you will flourish as a wise, benevolent dragon.

            Your humble servant, mentor, and uncle,

         Semithino   

            

Exclusive Fantasy Interview

Interviewer: J.T.Z Baner

Interviewee: Sean McDougall the Leprechaun

J.T.Z Baner: what is your name, my friend?

Sean: Ye Fool! Have ye no seen the sign?! There it be! Me own name. And I’ll waste nary a breath trying tae explain it tae a buffoon such as yourself!

J.T.Z Baner: Well…erm…Thank you for that display, and I can certainly check off question four about any anger management issues…HEY! Don’t throw that! It’s fragile!

Sean: CENSORED CENSORED and CENSORED...

J.T.Z Baner: Let’s see, now that that cabinet is back in place…What is your favorite pastime?

Sean: Oi dearly love tae dig man holes at the end of ma rainbows then put a pot o’ gold beside it, ye wouldnae believe the joy it brings to ma ‘eart.

J.T.Z Baner: Hmm…Violent but effective. Now, next question; in human years how old are you?

Sean: oh, perhaps 50, but in dog years ah am 350, and they treat me like some sort ‘o prophet.

J.T.Z Baner: And, where do you work?

Sean: At the Crock ‘0 Gold bank. We do good business, or at least we did until some blasted buffoon blabbed on the vanishing mint, we barricade the doors every weekend.

J.T.Z Baner: And, if I may be so brazen to ask, what happened to the man who blabbed on you?

Sean: Oh, dinnae worry your fine head about that, and even if you did, ye’de no want to write it down on paper, ye ken?

J.T.Z Baner: Oh…heheh…I ken, and I think I’ll bring this enlightening interview to an end Mr. McDougall, farewell!

Sean: Oh, why not, what happened to the blabbing fool was this…HEY HEY! Don’t turn off the recorder ye buffoon! AAAAAH!!